User:EEng
From Wikipedia the free encyclopedia
Welcome to the user page of Edwin Engelbarth, Esquire.[1]
deficiency, and 
satirized for your protection.
Betrand Russell, dope fiend[edit]
- From Boyer and Merzbach, A History of Mathematics (2nd ed.,1989), p. 685:
A decade later there appeared the first volume of Principia methamatica (3 vols., 1910–1913), by Bertrand Russell and Alfred North Whitehead.
Missed opportunity[edit]
- Sign at London's Farringdon station
The mysterious East[edit]
- Closed captions accompanying an MSNBC talking head's commentary on the recent meeting between presidents Biden and Xi
FOR SHOOTING PAYING, HE REALLY
NEEDS THEIR.
HIS HAD ALSO IT'S A DOMESTIC.
PROBLEMS HE JUST SECTORS FOR
MR. AND HIS PORN MINISTER BECAUSE OF THE CORRUPTION.
Film notes from all over[edit]
Serious[edit]
Life is in color, but black and white is more realistic.
- —Sam Fuller (as "Joe") in The State of Things (1982).
Unserious[edit]
Bowman's disappearance was Danburg's biggest thrill since the milkman eloped with the bootlegger's wife.
- —Intertitle in Lon Chaney's horror comedy film The Monster (1925).
Maybe a blue plaque?[edit]
- From our article on mathematician W. W. Rouse Ball:
He is commemorated in the naming of the small pavilion, now used as changing rooms and toilets, on Jesus Green in Cambridge.
I guess everything's east of something[edit]
SECAM is an abbreviation for Sequential Color and Memory. This video format is used in many Eastern countries such as the USSR, China, Pakistan, France, and a few others.
- Followup: According to a friend, SECAM alternatively stands for Signal Entirely Contrary to the American Method.
Shhhh! Don't tell anyone![edit]
Well, at least it's not the math department[edit]
- Helpful info from Yale University's Department of Comparative Literature: [12]
Qualifying Examination for the Doctoral Degree (“Orals”)
Candidates for the Ph.D. must take a qualifying oral examination in the fifth term of study. Orals assess students’ knowledge and understanding of their disciplines ... The exam will consist of six topics examined for fifteen minutes each for a total length of two hours.
Museum of understatement[edit]
- From our article on Oppie:
Oppenheimer did not take the news well. He jumped on Fergusson and tried to strangle him
"Next item on the agenda ..."[edit]
Bodycam footage shows the moment police in Fayetteville, Arkansas arrested Tyson Foods CFO John Tyson who was found asleep in a college-aged woman's bed on Nov. 6. In the video, Tyson appeared to be "disoriented" while officers tried to wake him up. He was charged with criminal trespass and public intoxication. A report said Tyson apologized during a call announcing Tyson Foods' fourth-quarter earnings.
MAGA Republicans, take note[edit]
- From our article Howard Mumford Jones:
In February 1954, Jones gave the dedicatory address at the opening of an addition to the University of Wisconsin's Memorial Library, entitled "Books and the Independent Mind." The crux of his comments was contained in this comment: "While it is true that we in this nation remain free to be idiotic, it does not necessarily follow that we must be idiotic in order to be free!"
Trump's kid goes to school here. You'll never guess what happened ...[edit]
- From our article on the ethically challenged Oxbridge Academy Foundation:
Oxbridge Academy Foundation, Inc. is a private coeducational college-preparatory middle and high school in West Palm Beach, Florida. Oxbridge Academy serves grades 7–12. Aimed at students of all socioeconomic backgrounds, the school has physical therapist on staff, chef-prepared lunches, a sailing and equestrian team, and a flight simulator.
The school was funded with a $50 million donation from Bill Koch. Koch's goal was to create a school for his own children where academically gifted students of all socioeconomic backgrounds could do hands-on projects and learn by problem solving, a place where students ruled. Oxbridge was opened in under a year on a 45-acre campus that once held a Jewish community center. By 2016 he had spent more than $75 million on the school. In 2011, Koch hired Robert C. Parsons to lead the school under titles president and chief executive ...
In April 2016, Mr. Koch announced that Academic Dean John Klemme would serve as the School's president, placing Mr. Parsons on paid leave pending an investigation of harassment claims. Parsons compensation package was worth $1 million, with an annual salary of about $600,000 per year. On May 27, 2016, Koch fired Parsons and declined to renew the contracts of Director of Athletics Craig Sponsky and the football coach Doug Socha; Koch noted that a "power elites group" in the school "ran the asylum" ... On June 20, 2018, the school announced that it was ending its football program after a number of its players transferred to other schools.
In 2016, the school self-reported athletic recruiting violations and forfeited all athletic victories for the previous two years ...
The Crash of 2020[edit]
- From our article on Matthew Freud:
According to the Sunday Times Rich List in 2020, Freud is worth an estimated £170 million, a decrease of £10 from the previous year.
Bigmouth[edit]
- From our article "Murder of Alison Shaughnessy" [13]:
Bernard O'Mahoney, a man who had originally campaigned for the release of the Taylors and who then had an affair with Michelle, has since claimed that she confessed to the murder to him and has campaigned for the sisters to be re-convicted.
Correction[edit]
- A correction to [14]:
Don't worry, Donald, it's been 65 years since anyone's been put to death in the US for treasonous collaboration with Russia stealing nuclear secrets.
Johns[edit]
The secret lives of Proud Boys[edit]
- From our article on Beautiful Mystery, "one of the earliest commercially produced gay pornographic films in Japan":
After a night of vigorous intercourse, the couple awaken only to discover that they have overslept and missed the coup.
More fucking Nazis[edit]
Re [15], which (AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) was a reaction to [16], question: Did he mean Nazi fuckers
, or Nazi-fuckers
? The hyphen makes all the difference.
Followup[edit]
- In the opinion of John Adams [17]:
In monarchy the crime of treason may admit of being pardoned or lightly punished, but the man who dares rebel against the laws of a republic ought to suffer death.
Schindler's lift[edit]
Museum of best-laid plans[edit]
- (From the much-missed MjolnirPants:)
Unbeknownst to me, my password manager saved my scrambled password ...
Party pooper[edit]
No surprise, come to think of it[edit]
- From the instructions for Form 1, the Massachusetts Resident Income Tax Return
Q: What is the Massachusetts voluntary higher tax rate?
A: You can elect to voluntarily pay tax at a rate of 5.85% on taxable income which would otherwise be taxed at a rate of 5%. Very few people make this election.
Museum of Regionalisms that Maybe Don't Travel So Well[edit]
But on Feb. 20, the men – Frederick, Michael Irvine and Kyle Dean – saw each other at Spotsylvania Regional Medical Center. To their shock and amusement, their sons were born in the same 24-hour period. "We were surprised that we all ended up there at the same time," Dean said with the understatement of a first responder who has seen a lot of unusual things on the job.
The men thought they should perhaps burn off some nervous energy by setting up a cornhole game during their downtime at the hospital, the same way they pass time at the firehouse. They quickly decided their two wives and one fiancee wouldn’t like that.
- I would think not.
Failed the quantitative section of the LSAT[edit]
- From "The Myth of Fingerprints", an episode of Law & Order:
Expert in lab coat: I found seven false positives out of the twenty that I tested.
Assistant DA: <shakes head in disbelief> That's almost a third!
Burning issues of the day[edit]
- From MSNBC's on-screen "crawl" during its coverage of the 2021 Colorado wildfires:
LIVE INTERVIEW: BOULDER MAYOR ON FIRE
Good idea[edit]
- From our overcooked article on the Donner Party:
The next morning, the group stripped the muscle and organs from the bodies of Antonio, Dolan, Graves, and Murphy. They dried them to store for the days ahead, taking care to ensure nobody would have to eat his or her relatives.
Sentences we didn't finish reading[edit]
- From our article on Terminal cleaning:
Terminal cleaning is a cleaning method used in healthcare environments ...
The Adventures of ... SUPERMAN![edit]
- From news item, "Massachusetts man who stopped armed robbery honored with prestigious Carnegie Medal", September 24, 2021 [19]:
LaPierre saved a mother and her baby from a crushed car in Canton, put a Newton neighborhood at ease when he quickly found a missing 8-foot python and is now being honored for stopping an armed robbery.
Museum of very, very naughty people[edit]
Doctor who took part in illegal rectal search pleads guilty in federal drug case
Museum of creative ways to encourage civic engagement[edit]
- Headline in the Decatur, Illinois, Herald & Review, June 9, 2010:
Former Bloomington police officer appeals rape conviction based on too much pornography being shown to jury
One of these is not like the others[edit]
- From our article University of Tennessee Health Science Center:
- ==Notable alumni==
- Winfield C. Dunn, DDS, Class of 1955, Tennessee Governor 1971–1975
- William E. Evans, PharmD, Class of 1975, director and CEO of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital from 2004 to 2014.
- Randy McNally, MPharm, Class of 1969, Lieutenant Governor of Tennessee 2017–present.
- Rhea Seddon, MD, Class of 1973, former NASA astronaut and eighth woman inducted into the U.S. Astronaut Hall of Fame
- Christopher Duntsch, neurosurgeon sentenced to life in prison for intentionally botching 32 surgeries that killed two patients and paralyzed two others
Nothing and Beingness[edit]
- With thanks to Andrew Lancaster
- https://existentialcomics.com/philosopher/Jacques_Derrida
- https://existentialcomics.com/philosopher/Jean-Francois_Lyotard
- https://existentialcomics.com/archive
Museum of Ass-ential Services[edit]
- From our article on Homobiles, "an American nonprofit organization founded in 2011 which provides rides primarily to the San Francisco LGBT community [focusing] on customers that taxis did not want to pick up – those wearing glitter, assless chaps, or unable to pay the fare":
Some riders report that they are unable to get rides due to their glitter makeup as the glitter can be hard for the driver to clean up following the ride.
Museum of Unnecessary Categories[edit]
This typo was so full of amusing possibilities that I really hated to kill it[edit]
- From our article Flight attendant:
The Vicki Barr: Flight Stewardess book series, in which Vicki's career "brings her glamorous friends, exciting adventures, loyal roommates and dates with a hand some young pilot and an up-and-coming reporter" ...
Museum of Better Reword That[edit]
- MSNBC anchor Katy Tur teasing an upcoming segment, Feb. 22, 2010:
And still ahead ... more than five decades after their deaths, the daughters of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King come together for an extraordinary discussion about their fathers' legacies, and the future.
- Personal note: After watching the interview I'm bound to say that for people dead five decades they look remarkably lifelike.
Really, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY Better Reword That[edit]
- Edit summary for an edit to our article "Catholic Church sexual abuse cases":
Priest gets off [20]
And while you're rewording things ...[edit]
- Reporter Hallie Jackson interviewing Representative Jim Clyburn on MSNBC, January 12, 2023:
Some of your colleagues on the other side of the aisle have drawn parallels between what is happening now as it relates to the revelation of these classified documents found in the president's private areas and what happened with former president Trump.
Museum of Somewhat Odd Juxtapositions[edit]
- From the lead of Joseph P. Kennedy Jr.:
He was posthumously awarded the Navy Cross and was the eldest of nine children born to Joseph P. Kennedy Sr. (1888–1969) and Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy (1890–1995).
Museum of Possibly Unnecessary Information[edit]
- CNN anchor Yasmin Vossoughian (February 21, 2021) filling us in on a jetliner engine failure which began with a "loud boom", after which "debris from the engine fell out of the sky":
Passengers in the plane were shocked.
Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from The Twilight Zone[edit]
Lights begin flashing on and off in houses throughout the neighborhood; lawnmowers and car engines start and stop for no apparent reason. The mob becomes hysterical, hurling accusations, smashing windows, and taking up weapons as the situation devolves into an all-out riot.
The scene cuts to a nearby hilltop, where it is revealed the shadow that flew overhead is, indeed, an alien spaceship. Its crew are watching the riot on Maple Street while using a device to manipulate the neighborhood's power. They comment on how simply fiddling with consistency leads people to descend into paranoia and panic, and that this is a pattern that can be exploited. They also discuss their intention to use this strategy to conquer Earth, one neighborhood at a time. They then ascend a stairway into their spaceship.
Museum of Cultural Differences[edit]
- Alarming information from our article on Dutch babies:
A Dutch baby is always baked in the oven, rather than being fried on both sides on the stove top.
Now Not available in stores![edit]
Dr. Seuss's Guide to Wikipedia
- One hundred years ago, Theodor Seuss Geisel (better known as "Dr. Seuss") arguably began his writing career by authoring a book review of a railroad timetable and contributing to the Dartmouth College humor magazine Jack-O-Lantern.[2] Since then millions of children – young and old – have delighted in the wit and wisdom of his iconic books with their hallucinatory illustrations. In celebration of this centennial, The Signpost has blatantly hijacked some of Seuss's most familiar works (and a few less familiar ones) in service of the perhaps questionable goal of indoctrinating a new generation of editors in the wacky ways of Wikipedia.
said young Gerald McGrew,
"And the fellow who runs it
seems proud of it, too."
| “ | You're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way! | ” |
| — Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go! | ||
All around the world
they're editing.
And so they don't need me.
Let others edit Switzerland
or Memphis, Tennessee.
Let them edit in Alaska
and in China.
I don't care.
Let others edit Italy.
Let others edit Spain.
Let them edit Massachusetts,
Connecticut and Maine.
Someone else can edit London
and Paris and Berlin.
Let them edit all they want to.
But not me.
I'm sleeping in.[10]
My wonderful weapon, the Rollbacker-Snatchem,
will roll back those edits as quick as we catch 'em.[12]
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can redirect articles
any places you choose.[13]
Ei! What a committee! Fit for its purpose!
Our clerks they love clerking. They say, "Work us! Please work us!
We'll clerk and we'll clerk until we're lightheaded
(But you'll only see half 'cause discussion's unthreaded!)" [14]
| “ | I'm a North-Going Zax and I always go north. Get out of my way, now, and let me go forth! | ” |
| — Dr. Seuss, The Zax | ||
I learned there are vandals of more than one kind.
to be blocked by me! [20]
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But they gave me the bit – I'm all ready you see.
Now those vandals are going(Sequel: I Had Trouble Reporting to AIV, Too)
| “ | And to Think That I Saw It in a Featured Article[21]  Those stars weren't so big. They were really so small. You might think such a thing wouldn't matter at all. | ” |
| — Dr. Seuss, The Sneetches and Other Stories | ||
I meant what I said, and I said what I meant ...
ArbCom is faithful, one hundred per cent! [27]
| “ | Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. | ” |
| — Dr. Seuss, The Lorax | ||
Link internal, external, piped or unpiped.
Oh, the links you can link up however you like!
Don't link left-wing or right-wing, promo or spam.
Practice safe linking whenever you can! [28]
Wrote the Far Western part
Of south-east North Dakota,
And a very fine article
About the iota,
But I'll write a stub
That is even much finer
On the north-eastern west part
Of South Carolina.[36]
Editors know, up top you see great sights,
but down here at the bottom, we too should have rights.[37]
| “ | Are you sure everyone on enwiki is working? Quick! Check the contribs! Is anyone shirking? [38] | ” |
| “ | I'm sorry to say so but sadly it's true that edit conflicts can happen to you.[39] | ” |
The Cat in the Hat
| “ | The Waiting Place A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win? | ” |
| — Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go! | ||
FATHER MOTHER SISTER BROTHER
That wasn't me, it was my brother.
My brother edits little bits
Fixing words like its and it's.[46]
———
*Non-geeks should refer to our article on POP3.
A Little Dab'll Do Ya!  | Too Many Dabs[47] | Too Many Debs _(cropped).jpg) |
Aides-mémoire[edit]
| Bonus video | |
|---|---|
|
Ön Beyond Zebra!
"I'm telling you this
'cause you're one of my friends.
My alphabet starts
where your alphabet ends! ...
So, on beyond Z!
It's high time you were shown
That you really don't know
All there is to be known."
- ^ Not really. [1]
- ^ Lathem, Edward Connery, ed. (2004) [1976]. "The Beginnings of Dr. Seuss: An Informal Reminiscence". Dartmouth College. Retrieved 2021-01-22.
- ^ Dr. Seuss's ABC
- ^ One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
- ^ I Can Lick 30 Tigers Today! and Other Stories
- ^ I Can Read with My Eyes Shut!
- ^ Come over to My House
- ^ Hooray for Diffendoofer Day!
- ^ The Bippolo Seed and Other Lost Stories
- ^ I Am Not Going to Get Up Today!: "All around the world / they're getting up. / And that's okay with me. / Let the kids get up in Switzerland / ... or Memphis, Tennessee. / Let the kids get up in Alaska / ... and in China. / I don't care. / Let the kids get up in Italy. / Let the kids get up in Spain. / Let them get up in Massachusetts / and Connecticut and Maine. / Let the kids get up in London / and in Paris and Berlin. / Let them get up all they want to. / But not me. / I'm sleeping in."
- ^ Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now!: "Just go. Go. GO! / I don't care how. / You can go by foot. / You can go by cow."
- ^ The Butter Battle Book: ""My wonderful weapon, the Jigger-Rock Snatchem, / will fling 'em right back just as quick as we catch 'em."
- ^ Oh, the Places You'll Go!: "You have brains in your head. / You have feet in your shoes. / You can steer yourself any direction you choose."
- ^ If I Ran the Circus: "Ei! Ei! What a circus! My Circus McGurkus! / My workers love work. They say, "Work us! Please work us! / We'll work and we'll work up so many surprises / You'd never see half if you had forty eyeses!"
- ^ You're Only Old Once!
- ^ Oh Say Can You Say?
- ^ Great Day for Up!
- ^ Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?
- ^ How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
- ^ I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew: "And I learned there are troubles / Of more than one kind. / Some come from ahead / And some come from behind. / But I've bought a big bat. / I'm all ready, you see. / Now my troubles are going / To have troubles with me!"
- ^ And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street
- ^ The Foot Book
- ^ Green Eggs and Ham
- ^ Horton Hatches the Egg
- ^ My Book about ME
- ^ Horton Hears a Who!: "I'll just have to save him. Because, after all, / A person's a person, no matter how small."
- ^ Horton Hatches the Egg: "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. / An elephant's faithful, one hundred per cent!"
- ^ Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!: "Think left and think right / and think low and think high. / Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!"
- ^ Daisy-Head Mayzie
- ^ Horton and the Kwuggerbug and More Lost Stories
- ^ What Pet Should I Get?
- ^ Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose
- ^ The King's Stilts
- ^ Bartholomew and the Oobleck
- ^ The Shape of Me and Other Stuff
- ^ If I Ran the Zoo: "In the Far Western part / Of south-east North Dakota / Lives a very fine animal / Called the Iota. / But I'll capture one / Who is even much finer / In the north-eastern west part / Of South Carolina."
- ^ Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories: "I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, / But down here at the bottom, we, too, should have rights."
- ^ Horton Hears a Who!: "Are you sure every Who down in Who-ville is working? / Quick! Look through your town! Is there anyone shirking?"
- ^ Oh, the Places You'll Go!: "I'm sorry to say so / but, sadly, it's true / that Bang-ups / and Hang-ups / can happen to you."
- ^ There's a Wocket in My Pocket
- ^ Fox in Socks
- ^ The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T.
- ^ Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book
- ^ The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins
- ^ The Cat in the Hat
- ^ Hop on Pop: "FATHER / MOTHER / SISTER / BROTHER / That one is my other brother. / My brothers read a little bit. / Little words like / If and it."
- ^ Too Many Daves
- ^ Green Eggs and Ham: "I will not eat them in the rain. / I will not eat them on a train. / Not in the dark! Not in a tree! / Not in a car! You let me be! / I do not like them in a box. / I do not like them with a fox. / I will not eat them in a house. / I do not like them with a mouse. / I do not like them here or there. / I do not like them ANYWHERE! / I do not like green eggs and ham! / I do not like them, / Sam-I-am."
You might say he fucked the country over[edit]
- Senator Charles Schumer speaking on the floor of the United States Senate, January 22, 2021:
The fact is, the House will deliver the Article of Impeachment to the Senate. The Senate will conduct a trial of the impeachment of Donald Trump. It will be a full trial. It will be a fair trial. But make no mistake: there will be a trial, and when that trial ends senators will have to decide if they believe Donald John Trump incited the erection ... insurrection against the United States.
- Followup (February 12): Attorney Michael van der Veen, possibly not fully briefed on the issue at bar, defending Donald Trump during Trump's second trial:
To litigate questions of election integrity within the system is not incitement to resurrection ...
Even opinions lose their immunity, when the circumstances in which they are expressed are such as to constitute their expression a positive instigation to some mischievous act. An opinion that corn-dealers are starvers of the poor, or that private property is robbery, ought to be unmolested when simply circulated through the press, but may justly incur punishment when delivered orally to an excited mob assembled before the house of a corn-dealer, or when handed about among the same mob in the form of a placard.
One of your friends or neighbors may be eligible for free room and board, at government expense, for ten to forty years – for a few lucky Grand Prize winners, even for life!
If you recognize anyone in the photos here, follow the instructions given to alert the Prize Patrol to schedule a visit. Won't your neighbor be surprised!
- From our article on Black Rod, essentially the House of Commons's sergeant-at-arms:
Black Rod is best known for their part in the ceremonies surrounding the State Opening of Parliament and the Speech from the throne. They summon the Commons to attend the speech and lead them to the Lords. As part of the ritual, the doors to the chamber of the House of Commons are slammed in the approaching Black Rod's face. This is to symbolise the Commons' independence of the Sovereign. Black Rod then strikes the door three times with the staff, and is then admitted and issues the summons of the monarch to attend. ... This ritual is derived from the attempt by King Charles I to arrest the Five Members in 1642, in what was seen as a breach of the constitution.
- Those who don't know how that turned out, see Execution of Charles I. But don't worry, Donald, it's been 65 years since anyone's been put to death in the US for treasonous collaboration with Russia. And speaking of deranged sociopaths:
- And everyone knows how that turned out.
References
- ^ Pun credit: Safire
.jpg)
To those who can hear me, I say – do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed – the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.
Soldiers! Don’t give yourselves to brutes – men who despise you – enslave you – who regiment your lives – tell you what to do – what to think and what to feel! Who drill you – diet you – treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men – machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate – the unloved and the unnatural! Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty!
In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” – not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power – the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
Then – in the name of democracy – let us use that power – let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world – a decent world that will give men a chance to work – that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfil that promise. They never will!
Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfil that promise! Let us fight to free the world – to do away with national barriers – to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Soldiers! In the name of democracy, let us all unite!
.jpg)
Click here for the answer.
... or here.
We now rejoin our regularly scheduled broadcast, already in progress[edit]
- A message for visitors: For performance reasons some of the more image-heavy exhibits have been moved to User:EEng/Museum Annex. The Annex is free and open to the public.
- We actually have an article on "goat towers", which are – and I am not making this up – "multi-story decorative goat houses" for some reason commonly found in vineyards. And so perhaps it was inevitable that, in the course of a discussion of this article, the following would bubble up from the fertile but warped mind of our fellow editor Martinevans123 [21]:
Warning! You could die laughing. | ||
|---|---|---|
|
|
Your season tickets to The Museums are valid at WP:AE. Userbox by Ritchie333[22].
If only it were so...
- From a discussion at AN:
"This episode, to my mind highlights a very big flaw in the functioning of wikipedia. Namely, that certain users who have an elevated status: 'admins' are able to act without impunity."
.jpg)
The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else.
- "His primary achievement has been in confusing the public mind."
- "Little did I dream you could be so reckless, and so cruel ... You've done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?"
- "Every time I read the paper / those old feelings come on
We are waist deep in the Big Muddy / and the big fool says to push on."
One should beware of those who cannot or will not laugh when others are merry, for if not mentally defective they are spiteful, selfish or abnormally conceited ... Great men of all nations and of all times have possessed a keen appreciation of the ridiculous, as wisdom and wit are closely allied.
Dourness is repulsive both to the healthy and the sick.
Accuracy, of course, can better be won by a committee armed with computers than by a single intelligence. But while accuracy binds the trust between reader and contributor, eccentricity and elegance and surprise are the singular qualities that make learning an inviting transaction. And they are not qualities we associate with committees.
— Geoffrey Wolff, "Britannica 3, History Of", The Atlantic, 1974
(quoted in Ganesha811's excellent essay, "A Little Fun Goes A Long Way")
 | This page is under destruction. |
 | No user-serviceable parts inside. |
| This userbox unintentionally left blank. |
 | This user has opted out of revert notifications. You should, too! |
 | This user has been blocked several times, and isn't embarrassed about it - (admire my block log here!). |
In some cases "unblockable" has meant "behaves inappropriately but has too many supporters to keep blocked". But in some cases it may mean "repeatedly triggers others to behave with inappropriate authoritarianism and is unblocked when it becomes apparent that the authoritarianism was inappropriate".
[25]The most notorious occasion this problem arises is probably with the self-appointed civility cops. Someone can make a talkpage comment which twenty different people see and conclude is non-problematic, but it only takes one admin to misinterpret it and the editor in question gets blocked. EEng is probably the most obvious example of this, but the problem is that most normal people aren't as sanguine as EEng in this situation ...
[26]
 | This editor was nominated for deletion in September 2016. The consensus of the discussion was he's speedy. |
| 0% | This user has worked on none of the 6,478 featured articles on the English Wikipedia. |
Wikipedia's not for the meek.
You need a de-stress technique.
Sip tea with biscotti,
go fish – try karate.
But edit war? Blocked for a week!
Levivich (adapted)
Resources offered:
- I will be happy to supply, for use in developing articles, materials cataloged here (digital materials are easy, scans of hardcopies may take some time).
Because some have asked...
- The material on this page is meant to increase other editors' pleasure in contributing (by providing modest amusement they can enjoy during breaks from editing) or to assist them in becoming more effective editors (by illustrating various aspects of Wikipedia as a social environment e.g. [27])
In humor based on political events, Democratic figures are featured as well as Republican (e.g. [28]) though unfortunately the former opportunities don't arise very often, because e.g. Clinton and Obama just aren't as amusing as the Republican nominee.Note: This wing of the Museums temporarily closed pending approval by the castigatores of such material as is conducive to the regimen morum.
 | The WikiProject banner below should be moved to this page's talk page. If this is a demonstration of the template, please set the parameter |category=no to prevent this page being miscategorised. |
 | Department of Fun NA‑class Bottom‑importance | |||||||||
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Material on this page apparently relating to living or recently deceased persons is satire intended to improve the editing experience by providing amusement and entertainment to editors seeking a break from editing. It does not constitute assertions of fact.
Museum of Distorted Quotations Taken Out Of Context[edit]
EEng is correct. There are not many exceptions to this nearly universal rule.
EEng, per usual, is correct.
So there! 
EEng (despite his block log, which is not as bad as it looks at first glance if you understand it) ...
A wise, compassionate, magical authority (both temporal and spiritual); mysterious and benevolent guide... guardian and saviour... despite his gentle and loving nature, he is powerful and can be dangerous....
—Primergrey (via C.S. Lewis)[35]
My personal opinion of your value to the project had been "on the fence", but I'm back on two feet.
—FlightTime[36], see also [37]
We have a lot of mental health problems.
—Donald Trump[38]
EEng, for those playing at home, is unique in Wikipedia.
Wise and mature
—BushelCandle[40]
Experienced and respected
One of Wikipedia's less friendly and more volatile users ... an incurably rude and disruptive personality whose idea of good manners is most definitely not within the mainstream.
—CrowsNest[42]
A Holden Caufield-esque cynical iconoclast
I tend to agree with EEng.
You play the role of Wiki-jester quite well ... good for the sanity of the community.
EEng is a wise voice – listening to what he says is generally a very good plan.
EEng is well known for his good humour.
Mgasparin's Law: As a discussion on ANI gets longer, the probability that EEng will add a sarcastic comment or image approaches 1.
[49] (and see also WP:Lugo's law)
You have transformed shooting off your mouth into a not totally unappreciated artform
EEng who, and I'm fairly confident that he would agree with me on this, seems pretty much flameproof, and who is quite capable of breathing hilarious-but-scorching flame himself when the need arises.
It's a relief to deal with someone on Wikipedia who has a sense of humor
What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
The Curator doesn't really understand the significance of that last one.
You know when EEng talks about getting serious, it's, you know, serious... :-)
Dr. Codman was a self-described atheist and was known to provoke his peers with exaggeration and humor.
He was a complete jackass, but funny's funny.
—What I hope will be my epitaph, as formulated by Valereee in another context.[55]
A little beacon of hope that, maybe, all signs of intelligent life are not yet lost on this planet.
An honourable editor ... with the highest ethical standards
However, I now realize that, according to what you have written about EEng, he is like this with everyone so I shouldn't take it personally.
Kind of like Banksy with a Wikipedia account
What the Critics Are Saying[edit]
The greatest talk page on Wikipedia
I have had EEng's talk and userpage on my Watchlist for two months because they are the most fun places on Wikipedia.
a.k.a.
I'm not a professor of neuroscience (but apparently I play one on Wikipedia)
EEng is a funny guy. If it weren't for the odd joker like him, WP would be utterly unbearable.... He's a professor of neuroscience at Harvard and pretty much singlehandedly wrote one of the best articles on the 'pedia (Phineas Gage)
I think a lot of folks from the @Wikimedia & @Wikipedia communities think this is funny but the editor working on Phineas Gage has severe mental health issues.
—"Erika Herzog" (and see [66])
Some masterful baiting... by Wikipedia's many master baiters.
A puerile jokester ...
—Reyk
I prefer having a good-natured jokester around instead of a joyless and dried-up everyman.
... like going to a good museum ... humorous but intelligent ... interesting, entertaining, and educational
His userpage is possibly unique in that it pisses you off, makes you laugh, and shocked, sometimes all at once
 | The Barnstar of Good Humor |
| I haven't checked out your userpage in a long while, but I laughed so hard (I particularly liked the "head in the sand" picture) I nearly snorted coffee out of my nose. PS: I would like to apologise for being tempted to go to the dark side.... Ritchie333 (talk) (cont) 12:30, 20 March 2015 (UTC) |
 | The Rather Unusual User Page Award |
| Not sure what my definition of a "rather usual" userpage would be, but it wouldn't be that.[70] |
"This is a very long page."[71]
 | The Barnstar of Good Humor | |
| For your medicine against chronic wikidespair. Consult your doctor before trying this medicine. Symptoms include: a systemic allergic reaction, a worsening of withdrawal symptoms for not placing {{ANI-notice}} in months, and casting the first stone.[72] |
"childish and irresponsible"[73]
No barnstar is better than this barnstar, believe me!
 | The Donald Trump Barnstar | |
| Your userpage is hilarious. MB298 (talk) 00:17, 30 October 2016 (UTC) |
| | The Barnstar of Good Humor |
| Your new gallery made me laugh even harder than the admittedly rambunctious Trump Museums. Astonishing, flabbergasting, yyuuuge!!! — JFG talk 20:14, 20 December 2016 (UTC) |
Ultra-Cool User Page... After looking again at this work of art ....... I'm speechless. What a man! And might the gentleman's first name be Albert? EE=ng2
An untidy user page may signify an untidy mind and careless work.
We have concluded to publish this work, though it falls short of what it ought to be, and would have been, if circumstances had permitted us to devote more time to its completion. We are well aware of its imperfections and defects. But, with all its faults, we flatter ourselves the it contains much interesting and hitherto unpublished information ...
Our object has been to condense this matter within the smallest space, well knowing that, in this age of instantaneous electric communication, very few have the patience to read large volumes.
We have followed no particular author, servilely, but formed our own conclusions by comparing the opinions of the different authors, more than one hundred in number ... We may have fallen in to some mistakes regarding dates of events, or names of persons or parties, but such errors are hardly avoidable in a work of such wide scope.
— Hugh Quigley, The Irish race in California and on the Pacific Coast: with an introductory historical dissertation on the principal races of mankind, and a vocabulary of ancient and modern Irish family names (1878)
A strange cross between the drill [sergeant] and Private Joker in Full Metal Jacket.
In offering a work to the public, it is customary to preface it with a few remarks, which are generally considered in the light of an apology by the public... but, as we have done nothing of which we are ashamed, we have nothing to apologize for.
— Great Trans-Continental Railway Guide (Crofutt & Eaton, 1870)
EEng's humor can be like drinking gin. The first time, you may say, "Ugh! Horrid! Disgusting!" After a few more times, you may say, "Ugh! Revolting! Disgusting!"
A bit like finding an annotated kaleidoscope
—An offwiki friend
Leave the jokes to EEng. He's funny.
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
... that welcome combination of a) sanity-restoring absurdist humour and b) the potential for making an editor completely forget the reason they went to the page in the first place.
User essays worth reading[edit]
- Wikipedia:Revert notification opt-out
- Wikipedia:Identifying reliable sources (history)
- Wikipedia:Presentism
- User:Ritchie333/Hit_and_run_editors
- WP:Lies Miss Snodgrass Told You
- WP:Wikipedia is not about whining
- WP:Principle of Some Astonishment
- WP:Diffusing conflict
- Wikipedia:Criticism -- re "Criticism", "Controversy" and similar sections
- User:Ritchie333#Zen and the art of Wikipedia Maintenance
 | This user feels physical pain when hearing others refer to Wikipedia as "Wiki". |
Essays worth writing[edit]
Handy templates[edit]
Ode to ANI[edit]
One fine day in the middle of the night, / Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other, / Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn’t, see / So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play, / A dumb man went to shout “hooray!”
A paralysed donkey passing by, / Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall, / Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise, / And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don’t believe this story’s true, / Ask the blind man he saw it too!
Some Entertaining Diversions[edit]
- Thanks to Softlavender, we learn that Hollywood predicted Wikipedia sixty years in advance, complete with vanity articles: Click here. "Human enlightenment—what nonsense, Professor!"
Don't call names, you pribbling fen-sucked skainsmate!
You have been noticed using opprobrious epithets. It's payback time from the Shakespeare Insult Generator! To activate the Insultspout and receive fresh insults, click here. Note that all insults generated by the Spout are guaranteed literary and cultured, unlike the nasty things you said, you frouard toad-spotted malt-worn.
See also this burst of creativity.
Welcome, new editors![edit]
Give it a click. But warning – huge file!
.jpg) | How To Avoid Pricks |
| When you land in a place that is prickly at best, And feathers get ruffled – you've disturbed someone's nest; |
DS UNAWARE NOTICE
If you came here to alert me to DS for whatever, I guess you better do it because I can't remember what sanctions there are for what topics so I just try to do the best I can with the modest faculties God gave me.
A Little History[edit]
 | The userbox below was considered for deletion on February 6, 2015. The result of the "discussion" was "We can allow tiny pockets of dissent, as long as it doesn't catch on. Now back to the salt mines!". |
 | It has been 3367 days since a userbox was last urgently removed from this page based on a three-hour "consensus" at ANI. |
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- When users do something that administrators don't like, but when the users not only disagree but have the temerity to object to the sanctions levied against them by administrators, is this an unacceptable dissent against the powers-that-be that must, always, be quashed by any means necessary?
- I'm probably hyperbolizing here, but I think this is how the issue appears to the EEng's of the world. And some, at least, of the EEng's of the world are here to help build the encyclopedia. We say "The free encyclopedia that anyone can edit", not "The benevolent dictatorship encyclopedia that docile and compliant rule-followers can edit as long as they remember their place and are always properly respectful towards ADMINISTRATORS." So, please, if that's not the message you want to send, just let these userboxes go. And if you want to boot a user off the project for not being here to help build the encyclopedia, please do it for a more substantive reason than that the user refuses to say "Uncle" when confronted by admins.
- —Steve Summit (talk) 19:46, 6 February 2015 (UTC) [77]
- And finally, to each admin who says, "Well, I wouldn't have blocked, but I don't feel like overturning it": what you're condoning is a situation in which every editor is at the mercy of the least restrained, most trigger-happy admin who happens to stumble into any given situation. Don't you see how corrosive that is? It's like all these recent US police shootings: no matter how blatantly revolting an officer's actions were, the monolithic reply is "It was by the book. Case closed." This [admin] was way out of line from the beginning in deleting multiple editors' posts (as someone suggested, hatting would have made complete sense, and troubled me not at all) and when called on it above, he gives a middle-finger-raised LOL. No wonder so many see haughty arrogance in much of the admin corps around here.
- —EEng 05:38, 16 January 2015 (UTC) [78]
And let me be clear: I have no problem with 97% of admins, who do noble work in return for (generally) either no recognition or shitloads of grief, only occasionally punctuated by thanks. But the other 3%—whoa, boy, watch out!
- —EEng 20:02, 6 February 2015 (UTC) [79]
First annual caption contest[edit]
Click here and contribute your own.
A very sensible idea[edit]
I hereby propose "overextended-confirmed protection" under which you can only edit after proving that you have other things to do and really should be spending your time somewhere other than Wikipedia. Would cut down on a lot of nonsense, I think.
—Dumuzid
EEng's half-serious list of topics on which WP should just drop all coverage as not worth the drama[edit]
- Professional wrestling: WP:General_sanctions/Professional_wrestling
- Footy players
- Beauty pageants
- Music genres
- Pornstars
- Anything related to Ru Paul
- Video games
- Japanese comics and animation
- Snooker
- Cricket
- Catalan separatism
- Railroad rolling stock specs
- Precise vehicle production dates and similar worthless crap [80][81]
- Dog breeds
- Unrecognized micronations [82]
- Every little named storm anywhere on earth
Dopey words that should never appear in articles[edit]
- Hail, as in
All the victims appeared to hail from the lower class of society
orMusic historian Bob Gulla hailed it as an "iconoclastic funk-rock" record.
God, that sounds stupid. - Accolades, as in List of accolades received by The Avengers (2012 film).
- Garner, as in
garnered worldwide recognition for her portrayal
. (The same article goes on to make us vomit by saying a bunch of people wereawarded the Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series accolade
.) - Berth (except on ships), as in
garnered a playoff berth
. - Welcomed in the context of childbirth, as in
In April they welcomed their first child
. [83] Absolutely nauseating. - Legacy for any and all things that happen after someone dies, a film has ended its theatrical run, etc.
Violators will be subject to initial 24-hour blocks, with escalating blocks for subsequent infractions. Repeated instances of welcoming children may be punished by beheading.
First rule of ANI[edit]
- Wisdom from Objective3000 [84]:
There is Al-anon, cocaine-anon, food-anon, game-anon, and about 20 others. We are now seeing on-and-on ... First rule of ANI: Don’t manifest the problem on ANI.
Brilliance from our esteemed colleagues Levivich and Creffpublic and Guy[edit]
- Anyone puzzled by the below should see Burma-Shave#Roadside_billboards:
- creffpublic a creffett franchise (talk to the boss) 20:34, 14 January 2020 (UTC)
- As Levivich says,
nobody stops after one "sodomite"
. I know I certainly didn't. EEng 19:56, 3 August 2020 (UTC)
- Followup, from a discussion at Arbcom's Requests for clarification and amendment page [85]:
There are so many things that you could do to fix this, and instead you're putting your finger in the dike.
- Pardon me ... putting my finger in the WHO?
- ... at least he's not from Essex?
Alle-wiki-gory[edit]
xxxx>> File:Burp.opus <<xxxx
- I think there's a K in knucklehead
- Not of the body!
- It is done.
- Read her the riot act.
- Wheel warring
- Wikipedia:Arbitration Committee/Magic 8 Ball
- Don't call me Shirley
- Troll-B-Gone®, another fine product from our esteemed fellow editor Antandrus
- Incompetent, irrelevant, and immaterial
- Illogical! Norman, coordinate!
- Definitions of the word rebuttle (bottom of thread)
- Silence, you clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!
.jpg)
{{Rainbow}} e.g. Somewhere over the rainbow
)_(18162951191).jpg)
Carp per diem[edit]
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– SemiHypercube
.jpg)
Some poetry from Atsme:
 | "Don't croak, SMILE!" |
| A satirist I'm not, |
