Our Dumb World

Our Dumb World: The Onion's Atlas of the Planet Earth

First edition cover
Author	The Onion
Country	United States
Language	English
Genre	Satire
Published	30 October 2007 (Little, Brown and Company)
Media type	Print (Hardcover)
Pages	245
ISBN	978-0316018425
OCLC	474118895

Our Dumb World is a parody of the standard desk atlas created by the staff of The Onion and published by Little, Brown and Company on 30 October 2007. It is The Onion's first book of entirely original content since 1999's Our Dumb Century.

The book, written in the satirical paper's editorial voice, contains entries for nearly every country on Earth, including detailed maps, feature articles, and humorous stereotyped descriptions of regional history and customs. For example, Romania's entry is subtitled, "Bram Stoker's Romania."

There are eight distinct sections of the atlas. In order, North America, South America, Africa, Middle East, Europe, Asia, Oceania, and Extra. Included in the Extra section are the Northern and Southern Poles and Greenland, which is "larger than Africa and South America combined."

The visual style of the book has been compared to Dorling Kindersley's Eyewitness series.^[1] The book uses faux xenophobia to illustrate the cultural differences of various nations, often mocking racial stereotypes with satirical comments. Each section contains "facts" about the nation, a brief history, and other information.

Elements of the book have been transferred to an electronic format available on the paper's website and as a layer on Google Earth. Our Dumb World is also available as an audio book.

Contents of Our Dumb World[edit]

The book starts off with an introduction written by T. Herman Zweibel, talking about his dislike of foreign countries, and his travels during his youth to various places around the world. Opposite this introduction is a picture described as the earliest copy of Our Dumb World, supposedly from the year 1621. This contradicts Our Dumb Century, where T. Herman Zweibel claims that The Onion was founded in 1743, but he also remembers other parts of history inaccurately (such as believing that America gained independence from the Tartars), so the map entry may be more accurate. A brief caption says that the map was used by the Bush Administration. Next is a double-page spread about how to use the atlas, with jokes about how it should be treated in other countries, a note to Barnes and Noble browsers, and some charts and keys.

Next is a history of cartography, continental drift, and various strange maps.

United States[edit]

This series of pages starts with a joke about the American Dream and inequality, as well as showing statistics about the country, as well as a ridiculous map with an unhelpful key. Information of the map includes a rhubarb forest in Minnesota, a stuffed animal militia in Montana, and Disney suing a girl in Florida for wearing a Goofy shirt that she had just bought from them. We then see a long history from the Native Americans '[wasting] several millennia' naming various geographical features, to George Washington starting a tradition of politicians lying (he supposedly claimed he was incapable of this), to millions driving to Washington DC to protest global warming.

The atlas then covers the Northeast, regarded as the only place that could be inhabited by the Pilgrims, and being incredibly smug about being the first part of the country to have gained independence. New York's entry is centred entirely around New York City. New Jersey's entry is very rude and condescending, saying that 'you know where the **** we are' and that 'New Jersey will destroy [the reader]'. Pennsylvania is supposedly home to a number of hypocritical Amish people. Massachusetts universities accept only those in the top 1% or with an outstanding last name, despite these people rarely absorbing anything. Vermont is home to a population of disgusting hippies. Delaware is mocked for its lack of urban centres and small size. In New Hampshire it is supposedly autumn all year long, and bases its entire economy on 'pricks' coming to look at leaves, which could cause its economy to be devastated by an 'errant leaf blower or someone not looking where they are walking. Connecticut is apparently centred around being next to New York City. Rhode Island was made a state only to act as a geographical unit of measurement. Maine is likened to an L. L. Bean catalogue, whilst Maryland is incredibly dangerous.

Afterwards, 'Our Dumb World' looks to the South. Florida is supposedly home to vast extermination camps for Jews. Alabama apparently legalised slavery in 1987, and then seceded two years later. Mississippi is completely waterlogged. The state of Georgia has to be clarified to not be the country of Georgia. Louisiana is still devastated by Hurricane Katrina. Virginia is still incredibly racist. North Carolina is completely addicted to smoking, and says that to get its citizens to stop smoking, it must get them to start. Tennessee is centred around music. West Virginia is still centred around coal mining, with 15% of its people supposedly being trapped in one. South Carolina uses the Confederate flag and performs lynching. Arkansas is fully of extremely inbred people. The inhabitants of Kentucky are perpetually drunk off bourbon.

The atlas then claims that the Midwest consists solely of driving, and boring flat land, and extends this by saying that the entirety of Illinois has been paved over, to the point where a man can drive down the wrong road and raise the wrong family for the rest of his life. Kansas is so fundamentalist that it has banned joblessness, civil rights, and education, and is preparing to do the same with death. Michigan is completely closed down. The people of Ohio are patriotic to the point of insanity. Missouri is a Mark Twain novel bought to life. The inhabitants of Winsconsin are horrifically unhealthy. Iowa is inhabited by impoverished bankrupt farmers. North Dakota is completely empty. The entire point of Nebraska is to act as a massive roadblock. All that the people of Indiana do is watch things. People from all over America are forced to go on holiday to South Dakota at least once in their lives.

Next, the book covers the West. Everything in Texas is larger compared to the rest of the country. The only thing of note about Arizona is the Grand Canyon, here referred to as the Grand Hole. Wyoming's inhabitants round up homosexuals. Idaho is most famous for its iron ore, rather than potatoes, which is used in a number of things, and tastes delicious when covered in butter and sour cream. Coloradans suffer extreme altitude sickness, causing them to undergo extreme religious fervour. Everyone in Nevada has lost it big in Vegas. Montana is a massive preserve for various distinctive crazy people. The women of Utah are all married to Mark Whitmer. The existence of New Mexico is considered dubious, a nod to UFO conspiracies. The only exciting thing to happen in Oklahoma was when a tumbleweed rolled through in 1912.

Looking at the Pacific Coast, the book details how some pioneers wandered up and down the coast, or went into the sea, or went back east after encountering the place. The people of Washington are disinterested with anything that is not coffee. Oregon is home to a large number of conservationists, whose number is declining into becoming endangered. California is home to disillusionment from lower classes, and denial of anything going wrong from the upper classes.

Finally there comes a section about the 'bull**** states'.Alaska is 'needlessly unspoiled' with the article obsessing over exploiting its resources. Hawaii is completely centred around tourism, though people rarely leave their hotel rooms. Finally, the people of Minnesota are incredibly stupid, supposedly having said nothing intelligent since their state was founded.

Rest of North America[edit]

The atlas first shows us Canada, which it openly criticises for various things that would usually be seen in a positive light, such as its universal healthcare, its efforts to lower greenhouse gas emissions, and its refusal to teach creationism in schools. It then speaks of how Canada has incredibly cold temperatures and polite inhabitants (a common stereotype), there is also a brief textbox in both English and French talking about the country's bilingualism, though the French text openly derides the usage of English. We then see Mexico, which the book claims is suffering from a 'brawn drain' due to unskilled people moving to America, forcing the skilled people into manual labour, as well as information about its inhabitants, including the racial origins of its Mestizo population, and an apparent reason for why they eat chilli peppers. There is also a small text box on illegal immigration talking about how Mexicans are '[stealing] jobs from honest, hardworking American machines', a parody of how some Americans believe that Mexican immigrants are stealing jobs from people.

The book then moves on to Central America, first showing Belize, which the work claims is constantly battered by hurricanes, and the people having to live relatively ordinary lives with these. Guatemala is described using a mixture of its actual history and the life of a domestic abuse victim. The people of El Salvador are apparently constantly praying to Jesus to fix their country, whilst churning out statues of the Madonna. Honduras is supposedly incredibly crime-ridden to the point where it boasts over 1000 distinct varieties of criminals. The entry for Nicaragua is based off a 1980s video game called Lance and Bill which was set in Nicaragua, with other sections of the page referencing Pac-Man and the Sega Genesis. The Costa Rica log focuses on real estate. Finally, Panama's record focuses almost solely on the Panama Canal and its effects.

The tome then shows us the Caribbean island nations. First, Jamaica is shown to be incredibly poor due to its practice of Rastafari, with Jamaican musicians being shown as the government, such as King Tubby being the Jamaican sovereign. Cuba is shown to be incredibly impoverished as a result of the Fidel Castro regime, which has made its people so resourceful that the book suggests the Cubans could use stuff from US tag sales to cure cancer and perfect cold fusion in 3 years. A textbox to the side shows many fictional Castro assassination plans. The people of Haiti are described as if they are zombies (the country is famous for voodoo) and as if their country is in an apocalypse. The Dominican Republic is 'aided' by its many baseball players. Puerto Rico entry claims it is entirely centred around parades. The Bahamas entry claims that the country is centred around tourism. Next we see a section about the 'Who Cares Islands', with Antigua and Barbuda being centred around weddings, Trinidad and Tobago around limbo, and Grenada around nutmeg. Then come the 'Seriously Who Cares Islands', with Dominica being ignored as it lacks beaches and Barbados being a massive tax haven described using language traditionally applied to pirates. Finally are 'The Three Saints', with St. Vincent and the Grenadines being home to massive wealth disparity, St. Lucia's entry appears to be based on the show Castaway, and the island of St. Kitts is contrasted with its neighbouring island, Nevis.

South America[edit]

The atlas then moves onto the next section, about South America, opening with Brazil, which contrasts the physical beauty of its inhabitants with the abysmal state of the country, as well as a few other jokes such as the 'official religion' of Brazil being association football, and there actually being distinct strata of poor people, the lowest being so desperate they are willing to eat glass. The book portrays Argentina as a 'Nazi retirement community' in reference to the large number of Nazis who escaped to that country after WW2. Bolivia is completely centred around cocaine according to its entry. Colombia's entry is written in such a way that it seems to resemble an illegal dealer. Chile's work in the atlas is about how long and thin the country is. Paraguay is apparently a very obscure country, whilst Uruguay is mistaken for Paraguay. The tome then goes onto talk about how Peru is wracked with pan-flute bands. Ecuador's entry centres around the fictional evolution of its inhabitants. the log for Venezuela is about how it is anti-American and how its then-leader, Hugo Chavez, is incredibly critical of the West due to the Venezuelan oil and is a brutal dictator. The last 3 countries mentioned are the Guyanas, with the entry for Guyana itself being about the Jonestown massacre, Suriname's is about the apparent lack of anything, and French Guiana was supposedly forgotten by France, and its rediscovery sparked France to see what other things it possesses (French overseas departments).

Africa[edit]

Next we come to the Africa section. First comes South Africa, which the book claims is horrifically crime-ridden. Lesotho is completely vulnerable to South Africa. Swaziland is so AIDS-ridden that people die within 2 weeks. Botswana is also affected with AIDS, which has caused it to develop itself (which has actually happened to it). The entry for Namibia is centred around a brief visit by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in 2006. Angola is incredibly impacted by its civil war to the point where people do not know what to do without one. The writers of the entry for the Democratic Republic of Congo are so shocked by what goes on there that there is almost no information whatsoever, whist the Republic of Congo is compared to the DRC in a positive manner. The people of Zambia are obsessed with shirts. Zimbabwe's entry centres around the forced removal of white people from Zimbabwe. Malawi is impoverished compared to even its neighbours. Mozambique completely blew its foreign aid money on useless things. Madagascar is ruled by its lemurs, whilst Mauritius is considered the only good part of Africa, and nobody knows anything about Seychelles and Comoros is riddled with perfume. The denizens of Tanzania's wildlife preserves enjoy better lives than the human population. Uganda is home to the world's largest child army. The Rwandan genocide was completely ignored, whilst the Burundian genocide is unfavourably compared to the Rwandan one. The log for Kenya centres around its citizens' accomplishments as long-distance runners.

Somalia's log talks about how it is a model for many future countries. Djibouti's amusing name is contrasted with its abject poverty. Eritrea's entry compares it to a rebellious teenager. Ethiopia's log centres around its starvation. The entry for Sudan talks about how a war in Darfur was apparently stopped by charitable Americans. Chad is apparently so corrupt that even wildlife and the writers take bribes. The Central African Republic is written as if it is a generic store product. Cameroon is apparently the result of a cartography error. Gabon is described like a house belonging to the Gabonese president Omar Bongo. The 3 Guineas are supposedly the last remnants of an ancient super-empire, with Equatorial Guinea being all about the equator, Guinea-Bissau's entry is merely 'encouraging words' from the writers, and Guinea's entry is all about its multiculturalism from its refugees. The first half of Nigeria's entry is reminiscent of a 'Nigerian prince' spam email, and the second is about some of its history and culture. The log on Niger talks about its overpopulation crisis as if it is a human. Burkina Faso is illiterate. Togo is described as a fast-food restaurant. Benin tries to maintain a positive image. The minor inconveniences of Ghana are portrayed as terrible atrocities. Ivory Coast was looking forward to instability. Liberia's entry talks about how it has tried to mimic America. The Sierra Leone entry talks about proposals. Gambia is treated like a pool, whereas Senegal is incredibly thirsty as it can't access the Gambia river. Cape Verde has apparently been demoted to 'Fourth World' status. Sao Tome and Principe is so debt ridden it may soon 'board up and move to a cheaper nation'.

Mauritania's record talks about it still having slavery. Morocco sells rubbish. Western Sahara contains absolutely nothing. Mali is in the middle of nowhere. Algeria acts as a training ground for terrorists. The information on Tunisia bemoans its fair treatment of women. Libya's section talks of Muammar Qaddafi inventing ridiculous deadly machines. Finally, Egypt's entry centres around the various Ancient Egyptian artifacts in museums around the world.

Middle East[edit]

The altas then gives us a look at the Middle East. In Saudi Arabia, almost everything is banned, and women are completely covered and are not realised to be women. Yemen is where the grunts of terrorism are trained. Oman is unlikely to have a war due to its lack of oil reserves. The United Arab Emirates is a place of extreme opulence. The entry for Qatar focuses on the Al Jazeera network. Bahrain's record suggests that it is very quickly running out of oil. Kuwait is described as if it is a person thinking about their relationship (in this case with the US) is simply them being used. Many tragedies are blamed on the people of Iraq, including ones they did not commit. The writers are unsure whether Iran is a threat or not. Syria's inhabitants are considered to be suspicious. Hezbollah has apparently greatly improved Lebanon. Israel is constantly under fire as few recognise the authority of the United Nations or God, whilst the people of Palestine are completely imprisoned. Meanwhile, the entry on Jordan is centred around Queen Rania. Turkey has high hopes of joining the EU. Finally, Cyprus is completely split in two.

Europe[edit]

The United Kingdom is broken into its constituent countries, with England being considered very old fashioned, Scotland is doing all it can to not be like England, the entry for Wales is all about its confusing language, whilst Northern Ireland is constantly embroiled in conflict. The log on Ireland follows the stereotype that its inhabitants are all drunkards. Portugal is searching for India to this day. Spain is horrifically relaxed. The information on France is incredibly smug, to the point it claims that France is the entire world. Andorra is portrayed as an outlet mall. The people of Monaco are horrifically rich. The article on Italy is incredibly condescending about that country, whilst claiming that Italians are equally intolerant. Vatican City is described as a Disneyland-like theme park. The people of Malta are apparently packed together like sardines. San Marino is recorded with sarcasm directed against it, whilst Dan Marino is compared to it in a positive manner. Switzerland is considered suspicious. Austria is obsessed with classical music. Germany is described as a recovering 'Jew-killing' addict, and are brutally efficient. Liechtenstein is written of as if it were a bank. The Grand Duke of Luxembourg is described as a tyrant. Belgium's record is all about food. The Netherlands is apparently completely lawless. Denmark is incredibly xenophobic, and Iceland is described as deceptive, whilst The inhabitants of Norway are always experiencing extreme bloodlust, whereas those of Sweden are considered extremely beautiful, yet the entirety of Finland is described as a winter wonderland.

Estonia is centred around singing and dancing. Lithuania is very suicidal. Latvia is the resting place of other nations' runoff. Belarus is terribly irradiated. Poland is completely trounced by other countries. The Czech Republic is visited for its culture, yet this is ignored. Slovakia grapples with severe air pollution. Hungary is centred around pornography. Slovenia produces a large amount of crates. Croatia deals with many landmines. Bosnia has a stupidly high number of war crimes. Serbia is portrayed as an abusive friend or parent, whereas Montenegro appears to have just left an abusive relationship (the book was written and published in 2007, shortly after the disunion of Serbia and Montenegro). Albania is engulfed in poverty. Greece has been terrible since the Ancient Greek era. North Macedonia is negatively compared with Greek Macedonia. Crime in Bulgaria has become disorganised since the fall of communism. Romania is claimed to be full of vampires. Ukraine exports a large number of brides. Moldova is chock full of junk. Finally, Russia is described as an absolute hell.

Asia[edit]

The tome then shows us Asia, with China's most produced product being Chinese people. Tibet is constantly annoyed by tourists.

Nepal is described as incredibly cramped and inconvenient. Bhutan is described as being incredibly holy. The people of Burma are constantly being shot by the military. God supposedly constantly mocks Bangladesh. The entry for Sri Lanka berates the reader for not donating to relief efforts. The Maldives are at great risk of being underwater. India's log talks about how many of its inhabitants work in computer service helplines at the cost of the country. The entry for Pakistan talks about its obsession with the Kashmir region. Afghanistan's report talks about how the US invasion (still ongoing when the book was written) devastated the place more than it was before.

The Armenian account speaks of how the Armenian genocide was forgotten. The notes on Georgia say that it is extremely Christian to the point of stupidity. Azerbaijan's record claims that its practice of Islam has become very lax.

The notes on Turkmenistan centre around former president Saparmurat Niyazov and the country's obsession with him even after his passing. The situation has not improved for Tajikistan, yet people are happy for its independence. The account of Uzbekistan is about apparently interesting information about the country portrayed in a boring manner. Kazakhstan's log speaks about its great size. Kyrgyzstan's record describes the country as being constantly humiliated. Mongolia's entry constantly references the Mongol Empire.

The statements on North Korea have been replaced with ones fabricated by the North Korean government. South Korea is supposedly number 2 in all categories. Taiwan is described in such a manner as to resemble a cheap plastic toy (such things were often made there at the time). Japan's people were apparently affected by the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki and became incredibly vulnerable.

Laos was apparently bombed into the Stone Age due to the Vietnam War. Cambodia was more than decimated by the Khmer Rouge. The entry on Vietnam centres around the flashbacks of American veterans of the Vietnam War. Thailand's record claims that almost everyone in the country, including children, are prostitutes. Malaysia is apparently a popular holiday resort for Islamic terrorists. Brunei is described as if it where the property of Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah. The notes on Singapore claim that it is completely free of dirt and germs. Illegal workers from the Philippines supposedly make a trek between home and their place of work every day. Indonesia's entire population is apparently put to work in factories. Finally, the original socialist regime of East Timor was 'practically begging another country to decimate it'.

Australia[edit]

The work then shows us Australia, with the country that provides the continent's namesake being pestered by the hosts of various documentaries. Papua New Guinea is completely destitute as a consequence of its geography and biosphere. Samoa's inhabitants are morbidly obese. The Marshall Islands are apparently still affected by the nuclear tests done during the 1950s. Guam (In truth a US territory rather than a country) is dominated by the military. The inhabitants of Palau are apparently all pathologically lazy. Vanuatu apparently wants all outsiders to stay away. The entry for Tonga claims that the writers made the country up, with ridiculous 'facts' about it. Finally, New Zealand is apparently created specifically for Hollywood blockbusters.

The Polar regions[edit]

Finally, the atlas shows us the polar regions of Earth. The article on the North Pole denies the existence of Father Christmas before asking 'Where do all the presents come from?'. The entry for Antarctica talks about how terrible it is there, and the effects of climate change on it. Last of all, the log for Greenland claims that the island is the largest landmass in the world (referencing the Mercator projection), as well as it being named 'Greenland' due to Erik the Red being bad at naming things.

Critical reaction[edit]

Critical reaction to Our Dumb World has been generally positive with reviewers praising the humor and use of satire.^[2][3][4] In the New York Times, William Grimes called it "an astoundingly offensive guide to the states of the union and the countries of the world, compiled on the premise that all countries are ridiculous and contemptible" and found it "sophomoric, transgressive and intermittently brilliant."^[5]

See also[edit]

• Our Dumb Century

References[edit]

External links[edit]

• The Onion Store
• Our Dumb World Online^{[permanent dead link]}
• Wikinews Interview with Onion Editorial Staff
• Newsweek Review